I'm not sure, 2018
In my youth, my knowledge about sex was limited to impressions from my parents' hidden VHS-tapes and my friends' stories. I was sure that sex was a necessity for entering adulthood. I got rid of my virginity as one gets rid of an obstacle. Nowadays I think that the first time is an important event and I would like to replay it. To achieve this, I began to collect other women's stories about their loss of virginity and turned it into a project.
In interviews, women recalled their first time and analyzed the connection of experience with the present. I realized that I didn't want to take a mere portrait; I wanted to make a perfect photo. I planned everything. For each woman, I created poses which expressed the essence of her experience. I tried poses on myself or my assistant before shooting.
After shooting, while selecting the perfect photos, I remembered about my rehearsal shots. I combined them with the portraits of the characters and saw the new visual series. My trying to recreate and relive someone's memory acquired the ironic image of a person suffering from perfectionism in everything, even in the matter of replaying his own and others' experiences. Someone who unsuccessfully tries to get rid of anxiety by intrusive and tiring means, who comes up with more solutions than can be decided between, thereby not solving anything at all.